Equilibrium

price of diflucan at walmart buy doxycycline malaria tablets generic zoloft side effects ivermectin genericStromectol 3 mg tablets 100mg of zoloft for anxiety purchase doxycycline monohydrate treatment with anastrozoleAnastrozole generic cost cost of zyban without insurance zyban cost cost of prednisone 10mg Prednisone natural alternative where to buy diflucan xenical price in pakistanxenical purchase do you ever find yourself in a moment, an evening, a place where you feel like you could stay forever. where you feel balanced, satiated, connected to the world and the people around you, whole. I always think of these moments as being ones of equlibrium.

I’ve been thinking about those moments a lot recently. i think because i feel quite harried and scattered, a little lost and firmly trapped behind the wall of existential angst that separates me from most people i might interact with in a day. when i feel those moments i feel how quickly they slip away and most of all how rarely i’ve felt them, how unbalanced a lot of my life is sometimes.

i find i experience those moments most from a strong sense of the safety, that comfort of a strong sense of place, of being ‘home’. Or from the easy comradery of good friends and a sense of complete ease and trust. from people showing me new things or taking pleasure with me in learning something new.

i had a realization recently, thinking about that sense of equilibrium and those moments shed a strange light on the things i have been thinking of as ‘what i want’ in recent years. my desire for a more permanent home, for the vision i have dubbed ‘lady-house’, and for partnerships to share the depth i have known of intimacy and passion, to ground me in thinking of others as a part of me, not just around me.

in moments of personal frustration that those thing might be unattainable i think about picking up and going somewhere else again; hoping in that new life i will feel less dragged down by the repetition of my day to day life, as though it is this place that keeps me from having them. in calmer moments i remember that these things come from inside me in the end, i will only take them with me if I go somewhere else. they are about how i feel about my home, my life and the people in it and i can feel that way anywhere and have the most chance to feel it here where my roots go so deep, but not if i continue to be afraid to take the personal risks to let myself strive to build that sense of place right here and now.

Comments are closed.